Don’t be ‘that guy’: The best lessons from bad examples

“I’ll never be anything like that guy.” You’ve probably said it yourself. We’ve all encountered someone who left a bitter taste in our mouths. It’s unfortunate, but there are powerful lessons to learn from bad examples—just as there are from great ones. In this article, I want to help you learn to lead by example and show that the best leaders draw wisdom from both the best and the worst examples.

Leadership is more than a title or a set of responsibilities—it’s about setting a vision, shaping culture, and inspiring people to do their best work. Your understanding of leadership is shaped by every leader you encounter—those who inspire you and those who make you want to throw up your hands in frustration.

It’s natural to want to imitate the best, but there’s equal value in learning from the mistakes of the worst. The path to effective leadership passes not only through peaceful meadows of great role models but also along rugged trails marked by selfish and short-sighted leaders. The gentle paths of good examples are always easier to follow, but don’t overlook the powerful lessons found in learning what not to do from bad examples.

Think back to someone who positively influenced your life. What made them stand out? It was probably more than big, visible acts—most likely, it was how they made you feel day to day.

Great examples:

• Consistent in their Integrity: They lead with honesty and follow through on commitments.
• Communication Authenticity: They keep you informed and involved without leaving you blindsided.
• Recognize and Celebrate Accomplishments: They notice your achievements—both big and small.
• Empower and Develop Trust: They give you the autonomy to grow, make decisions, and even make mistakes.
• Healthy Accountability: They hold themselves—and you—to high standards while supporting you through setbacks.

These people prove that actions speak louder than words. They teach you what’s truly important, what’s acceptable, and how to act—simply through their behavior. In other words, the best examples are caught, not just taught.

Not every leadership example is positive. Everyone has a story of someone who left a negative impression, often through:

• Micromanaging: Undermining trust and initiative with excessive control.
• Poor Communication: Withholding information, creating confusion or rumors.
• Taking Credit vs. Sharing Success: Prioritizing personal advancement without acknowledging team contributions.
• Ignoring Feedback: Being unapproachable or dismissive when suggestions or concerns are raised.
• Inconsistent Behavior: Favoritism and unpredictability that sow division rather than unity.

While painful, these experiences can become a blueprint for better leadership on your own journey. If your boss is a leadership disaster, don’t just vent—observe carefully and learn so you don’t repeat the same mistakes. Each poor example is an opportunity to grow.

Being someone who builds trust and achieves results takes more than good intentions. Here’s how to keep the best lessons—and learn from the worst:

1. Self-Reflection: After major events or decisions, take time to reflect. Ask yourself which leaders you mirrored in your actions—and whether you’d be proud to see those behaviors repeated.
2. Explain Your Philosophy (often): Write down your leadership values and the habits you want to be known for. Share them regularly to keep yourself and your team aligned.
3. Build a Feedback Loop: Invite honest feedback and reward it—even when it’s hard to hear.
4. Model Openness: Share both your successes and failures. Show that growth is a continuous journey for everyone—including you.
5. Invest in Others: Let others shine by mentoring, offering learning opportunities, and delegating meaningful tasks.
6. Stay Adaptable: Situations change, and so should your approach. Stay curious, learn from those around you, and be willing to evolve.

When you learn from both good and bad examples, your growth extends far beyond textbooks. You can leave a lasting impact on people and develop habits that become part of your team’s or organization’s DNA.

Leadership is both a privilege and a challenge—one that requires humility, reflection, and a commitment to continuous improvement. By intentionally following the best examples and courageously addressing what hasn’t worked, you create a future worth imitating.

The result? People will remember you as the model to follow, not the lesson to avoid.