This Is Your Relationship Superpower
Unlocking this superpower will improve every relationship. Did I get your attention? This isn’t a gimmick, nor is it the title of a self-help course. I’m a guy who has counseled countless people over the past 30 years. People open their hearts to me and share their deepest problems (after all, no one talks to a counselor when everything is going great). I’ve heard it all, and at this point, nothing shocks me anymore.
I hear about a wide range of concerns—career challenges, family dysfunction, medical issues, mental health struggles, spiritual doubts, and nearly every other problem you can imagine. While people come to me for many reasons, there’s almost always a relationship issue at the heart of their concerns. In fact, I can’t recall a single instance when someone came to me with a concern that wasn’t ultimately centered on a relationship problem.
In nearly every relationship conversation I have, I hear someone explain why it’s always the other person’s fault. And while there’s often some truth in that, this is usually where I end up disappointing people in counseling. I’ve found that it’s never entirely one person’s fault in a relationship. I often have to explain that even if it were possible for your relationship problems to be 100% the other person’s fault, there’s still nothing you can do to change the heart and habits of someone else.
Since the other person isn’t 100% at fault for the relationship issues—and there’s nothing you can do to change them anyway—your only hope of improving the relationship is to address your own faults. This is where your superpower comes in: self-control. (Not what you were expecting me to say, right?)
Life moves quickly, and it’s easy to want instant results. Greater self-control will have a powerful impact on every part of your life, but I’m convinced its greatest impact will be on your relationships. Self-control isn’t just about resisting temptations or holding back impulses—it’s also about building stronger, deeper connections with people. When you develop self-control, you’ll notice positive changes in your friendships, romantic relationships, and family ties. Here’s how you can use this superpower to strengthen your relationships.
I hear about a wide range of concerns—career challenges, family dysfunction, medical issues, mental health struggles, spiritual doubts, and nearly every other problem you can imagine. While people come to me for many reasons, there’s almost always a relationship issue at the heart of their concerns. In fact, I can’t recall a single instance when someone came to me with a concern that wasn’t ultimately centered on a relationship problem.
In nearly every relationship conversation I have, I hear someone explain why it’s always the other person’s fault. And while there’s often some truth in that, this is usually where I end up disappointing people in counseling. I’ve found that it’s never entirely one person’s fault in a relationship. I often have to explain that even if it were possible for your relationship problems to be 100% the other person’s fault, there’s still nothing you can do to change the heart and habits of someone else.
Since the other person isn’t 100% at fault for the relationship issues—and there’s nothing you can do to change them anyway—your only hope of improving the relationship is to address your own faults. This is where your superpower comes in: self-control. (Not what you were expecting me to say, right?)
Life moves quickly, and it’s easy to want instant results. Greater self-control will have a powerful impact on every part of your life, but I’m convinced its greatest impact will be on your relationships. Self-control isn’t just about resisting temptations or holding back impulses—it’s also about building stronger, deeper connections with people. When you develop self-control, you’ll notice positive changes in your friendships, romantic relationships, and family ties. Here’s how you can use this superpower to strengthen your relationships.
1. Greater Trust in Friendships
Friendships are built on the bedrock of trust. When you practice self-control, you become a reliable friend who listens carefully and responds thoughtfully. Imagine being the one who stays calm in the storm, able to navigate disagreements without losing your cool. Your friends will trust you enough to open up and share their deepest feelings, and this will create bonds that stand the test of time.
2. Rich Soil for Romantic Relationships
It’s unwise to trust your heart to someone with no self-control—they will eventually hurt you. When it comes to love, self-control is a gift you give to both yourself and your partner. It allows you to communicate deeply and discover what truly makes passion flourish in a relationship. By practicing self-control, you create a garden where love can bloom.
3. Enhancing Family Dynamics
Because family is your longest and most foundational relationship, there will almost always be some struggles. Family is our base of support—the one place you can turn when all other relationships fall apart. By managing your reactions and approaching family discussions with patience, you create an environment where everyone feels safe to express themselves. Imagine your next family gathering filled with laughter, love, and open dialogue. As you practice self-control in the middle of challenges, you inspire your loved ones to do the same.
4. Turning things around with your boss
No matter how technical your job is, there’s always a relational aspect to every workplace. Even the president has to relate to the people who elected him, and the chairman of the board has to relate to stockholders. Every position in any workplace comes with a network of important relationships—and usually a few difficult ones. When people at work begin to see you as patient, steady, and attentive to detail, it creates a cycle of trust, leading them to give you more responsibilities. And when you demonstrate, through self-control, that you can handle those greater responsibilities, they become even more willing to trust you with additional ones.
5. The Source of Self-control
Throughout this article, I’ve been demonstrating self-control, hoping to lead you to wonder where the source of this superpower truly comes from. Self-control is a continuous journey, but its source lies outside of yourself. I’m not asking you to simply try harder or learn more—I’m challenging you to turn to the ultimate source of self-control: the Holy Spirit of the Living God.
When I refer to self-control as a superpower, I’m talking about a supernatural strength whose source is found in God. In this spiritual transaction, God’s Spirit takes control of your life and empowers you to exercise self-control—even in circumstances where you would naturally want to do otherwise.
Self-control is a gift God gives to His people when His Spirit transforms their lives (see Galatians 5:23). Scripture teaches that God grants the gift of self-control when we surrender our lives to His Spirit. Strengthening your self-control will improve every relationship in your life—but it can only flow from a growing relationship with your Creator!
When I refer to self-control as a superpower, I’m talking about a supernatural strength whose source is found in God. In this spiritual transaction, God’s Spirit takes control of your life and empowers you to exercise self-control—even in circumstances where you would naturally want to do otherwise.
Self-control is a gift God gives to His people when His Spirit transforms their lives (see Galatians 5:23). Scripture teaches that God grants the gift of self-control when we surrender our lives to His Spirit. Strengthening your self-control will improve every relationship in your life—but it can only flow from a growing relationship with your Creator!
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